While I finish my latest memory post [As as aside: Can I just mention what a monumental task I gave myself? Because, sure, it's fun. And it gives me something to write about when I have nothing, really, to say. But it's also so huge - to me - to get it right. I find myself writing something and going, "Is this what I see when I hear the song? What do I feel? What's the exact moment this brings me to? How much back story do I need? Is this too much? Is it even right? Am I getting the feeling right? Am I describing it enough? Do I communicate accurately where I was in my life then? Will my voice be in-the-moment or reflective? Which is better?" And I could go on and on with all the crap that runs through my mind, but I won't bore you with it. Basically, what I'm saying is that I'm so hell-bent on making it right that it gets a little overwhelming. But, no, this is not my preemptive cop out statement. Because I really love the project...I mean, I really, really do. It's just kind of intimidating is all.], I figured I should go ahead and update this page. Why? Because a girl with no job should be updating her blog WAY more than I have.

So here goes.

What have I been doing for the past week? Well….

1. I’ve been preparing for my first day at work, the 19th. That’s Monday. When I was hired, I had two weeks until my start date. And the ridiculously awesome woman who’s been pretty much my go-to gal for this entire process (she’s the one who originally called to recruit me [via a recommendation] for the job) told me I’d be getting a FedEx package the following Monday with a “few things” to fill out.

Those “few things” basically amounted to an avalanche of paperwork and assignments. I had to sign that, yes, I’ll work there for a minimum of a year OR pay back the coupla grand it costs them to get me my appropriate financial licenses. I signed that, no, I am not currently selling any investment products to or for anyone. I signed that, yes, I read and agree to the eight BILLION page Code of Conduct they sent me. The Code of Conduct that I didn’t really, uh, read. I filled out my full name, birthdate, social and address more times than I care to count. I signed my  name on so many forms that my eyes bled a little by the time I was finished.

For the record, though, besides the Code of Conduct, I actually did read everything. And that’s why I crying when Ryan came home and found me in my pile of signatures. Because, if I can still speak Legal - and I think I can - I’m pretty sure I waived pretty much all of my rights for pretty much everything. Like, I think there was even a clause in there that I can’t have kids because it’s possible I’d love them more than I love the Bank, and we don’t want that.

Also, there were online forms. I had to swear to my employment history, all of which I had to actually detail, in those intimidating online boxes with red YOU MUST FILL THIS BOX stars next to them. And I did, replete with exact dates and locations and phone numbers and boss names. I had to check a box that swore I was/am a US citizen. I had to fill out electronic Direct Deposit forms.

And then, naturally, I had to go get drug tested. And then I had to go get fingerprinted. FIVE fingerprint cards, by the way. Two for the securities department, two for Human Resources, and one for someone else. I had to FedEx everything out, to different people. There were emails and phone calls and confirmations and questions and….

Ugh. My brain hurts.

But it’s done, and to the best of my knowledge (because I am nothing if not RIDICULOUSLY thorough when it comes to signing stuff), all of the Ts are crossed and the Is are dotted, and all of it pays off on Monday, when I start actually working again.

I’m so ridiculously excited that I haven’t even yet started to get nervous over the fact that I will actually have goals to meet and people to impress and stuff. But, really, I just know I’m going to be so great at this job that it’s kind of laughable. I mean, I’ll throw in that I could be wrong, but I really don’t think so. I’m pretty sure jobs like this were made for people like me: People who have no problem talking to customers, people who can SELL! without selling. People who kind of get off on the labor of bank documents and requirements. People who are OCD enough to read and reread all of their pre-employment paperwork FIVE TIMES to make sure everything is signed properly; because people like THAT do the same thing with signature cards and certificates and bank documents. And, really, I’m just excited to have a job that I can be proud of, and one where I know I can shine.

2. The only part that has me a little nervous is the driving thing. Because although I’ll actually be working quite close to home, my first day - and basically the next three months - will have me driving to a town in New York that’s just outside of New York City. It’s not the location that makes me nervous, it’s the driving there. Because I drove there for my original assessment, and, that day it took me an hour and forty five minutes. But that day, I didn’t have to be there until one in the afternoon, and headed home around three. I missed both cycles of rush hour traffic on that trip, but I won’t be so lucky this time. I have to be at the building by 9 in the morning, and will probably be driving home at 5.

It’s not the five o’clock drive that bothers me. Generally speaking, I have no problem getting stuck in traffic on my way home. I have an iPod and satellite radio, and an unhealthy fondness for being in my car. It’s the nine o’clock drive that scares me. Let’s do the math, shall we?

  • To reach the building by nine, assuming there’s no traffic, I would have to leave by seven. Which means I’ll have to be up by six. No biggie.
  • But then we must factor in traffic. Let’s say, then, that I should LEAVE by six. Awake by five.
  • But I’ll be driving the NYstate Thruway, and I’ll be crossing the TapanZee bridge. At rush hour. I’m nervous that leaving at six won’t be early enough. Maybe I should leave at five?

Because there’s nothing worse than being late on your first day. I’m just not prepared to be that sort of an asshole on my first day. But I’m also not sure I’m prepared to wake up by four in the morning.

3. I’ve been really getting my hands dirty in a lot of new music. A lot of wonderful new music.

I’m not the world’s biggest fan of downloading music illegally. But I found myself doing just that for almost an entire day last week. The thing is, I hate downloading because I’m way too OCD to bring songs into my immaculate iTunes when they’re titled all sloppy, if at all. Plus, I don’t like the poor quality that you’re bound to get, and the fact that you have to sift through fifty shitty songs to get a handful of good ones. Also, I refuse to do it on my computer (not a huge fan of the file sharing/virus thing), so I use Ryan’s instead. Which means I have to follow his stupid downloading protocol, which means I have to load to one folder, retitle, move to another folder. Move into YET ANOTHER FOLDER, import it to iTunes, and then I STILL have to go in and fix the titles and stuff. And, last but not least, I really enjoy the purchase of music. I just like the ceremony of it (truth be told, though, I much prefer buying the real CD to purchasing it on iTunes, but iTunes continually seduces me with their bonus tracks and whatnot. Bastards.). And I believe in supporting the artists I love. Because I want them to continue making music, I believe I should play a part in enabling that act by purchasing the music.

But I downloaded a bunch of songs by a few artists, because they were totally new (to me) artists, and I didn’t know enough of their work to gamble ten of my unemployment dollars on their albums. After downloading the songs, I am now faced with another dilemma entirely: Do I buy all of these CDs at once, or do I space it out over a few months? BECAUSE I WANT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM NOW.

You ready? Here they are.

Justin Nozuka - Holly
I love singer-songwriter guys. LOVE. THEM. I love John Mayer, and Paulo Nutini and I’ll even admit to loving Coldplay. But my most favorite is Jason Mraz (and for the record, I love his live stuff way more than the studio stuff. Which sounds pretentious, but it’s not: it’s just true. The live stuff is so much better). And Justin Nozuka is definitely in the Mraz vein. My faves: After Tonight, Golden Train and Criminal.

Missy Higgins - On a Clear Night and The Sound of White
Even more than I love singer-songwriter guys, I love singer-songwriter GIRLS. Because I can sing along, because they usually sing what I’m feeling; and there’s nothing better than finding your feelings put to music. (I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Sara Bareilles, and how much I absolutely adore her.) Missy’s the latest in a long line of chicks that I dig because they write about breakups and being a silly woman with feelings and stuff. My faves: Where I Stood, Ten Days, All for Believing, This is How it Goes.

Lupe Fiasco - Food & Liquor and The Cool
I love rap. Love, love, love it. I love the hard core stuff that sort of embarrasses me with the nasty things they say, and I love the peppy, hip-hop stuff, I even love the campy Fresh Prince-esque stuff from days of yore. But I especially love it when someone mixes it up and does something that at least I see as new and inventive. And that’s Lupe. Man, I’m totally in love. I’m pissed that I only downloaded six of his songs, one of which was the radio song, Superstar. My faves: Go Baby, Daydreaming.

I also bought a CD. (On iTunes, of course.) Jason Mraz! We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things. You can click on that link, but it doesn’t take you to the CD I actually purchased. This is why I love iTunes (and wish I knew how to link to it): because, for twenty bucks, I am the proud owner of 26 songs. They’re a lot of the same songs, but they’re different versions, and, as far as I’m concerned, that’s worth it. And there’s this song, Butterfly, that I really wish someone had written about me.

4. I drove to and from Vermont - five and a half hours ONE WAY - in one day. I went with my Daddy, and we went with the sole intention of picking up all of my little brother’s crap from his college dorm for the summer. I guess, when he went ahead and bought his little sports car, he didn’t factor in that one day he’d have to move a small refrigerator and a footlocker and other assorted items. Which is where his big sister with a penchant for big SUVs comes in. That’s right. I saved the day.

But, just a word of advice: When you know you’re going to be driving a total of twelve hours in one day, do NOT go out dancing the night before. Even if you offer to drive the hour to the dance club, because you know that’s the only way you won’t drink, you’re still going to get home at 3. And you’re still going to have to get up by 7 to get your dad and make the drive. And then, every hour that you spend in the car will feel like two, and you’ll be almost comatose and probably hallucinating and definitely sleep-deprived-crazy by the time you get home. Just, y’know, FYI.

5. And that means that Byers is home for the summer! Which is kick ass, because he came home just in time for my last week of unemployment. Which means that we’ve been hanging out every day, and it’s awesome. He even came to the gym with me yesterday morning. And guess what? Turns out, the sweating-profusely thing that I do? The thing where, five minutes into any work out, I have a rapidly accumulating sweat puddle around me, and, due to the crazy amount of sweat that my head produces, have a head that looks like I’ve just been dunked in water? It’s totally in my blood. Because when I exited my 9 am kickboxing class, hair soaking wet, tank top and sports bra ALSO soaked, I went to get Byers who - surprise! - was also dripping wet from his work out. So at least I’m not alone in that one grotesque physiological fact. Which is nice.

6. Lastly, I’ve been enjoying my last week of freedom. I really did kind of get used to this. I kind of love unemployment - because I loved being home during the day and having all sorts of time to get shit done. But I have to say: I’m ready to work, not just for the money, but for the release of the burden. Because when you’re home all day, and you tell your boyfriend that you’re going to clean like crazy and cook new stuff and be a totally Holly Homemaker and be awesome at it, you better be good at it. Or, at the very least, follow through. Because - who knew? - your boyfriend will get a little cranky if all that stuff you said you’d be doing never really happens because you were busy playing on the internet, watching the Food Network, or whatever. And when he asks if you washed the pants he asked you for, it’s going to be really hard to say “I didn’t have the time” and keep a straight/not-guilty face. And saying “Hey, the day goes by really fast, okay?” doesn’t help. Even if it’s the truth. Frankly, I liked it better when I really didn’t have the time, because at least I could back it up with a paycheck. I guess I really just don’t like the idea that Ryan could, if he wanted to, hold my negative-income over my head. He hasn’t, but he could. And I’d like to avoid that if I could. And I will. Starting Monday.

Until then, I’m going to do very little. I made sure to clean on Monday so that I could slack the rest of the week. Tomorrow, I’ll go to the gym, have my nails done (in preparation for my first day!). Friday, I’ll hang out with my brother, and then go out for drinks and dinner with friends. And, all the while, I’ll thank god for my overzealous bookkeeping/billpaying skillz, and my tax return AND rebate, which have allowed me to live a stress-free month in terms of money. And I’ll look forward to going back to work, but I’ll be a little bit sad for having to do so. Because I’m going to miss this not-working thing, for sure.